Lost Hope
by Dreamy-Heichou
Summary: Levi has always had the hope of one day finding Eren in this new life. One day it eventually happens, but the man he finds isn't the one he remembers. There is something different about him Levi can't quite put his fingers on… but his curiosity might be the first step into a situation Levi won't be able to escape.


"Eren…?"

Levi stops in his tracks the moment he sees a tall brunet walking not very far from him. He looks a little older than in his memories, probably around his mid-twenties, but he would recognize the man anywhere. His features are the same as he remembers: strong jawline, straight nose, broad shoulders and narrow hips, his long chocolate brown hair tied in a low ponytail. The brunet has haunted his dreams for years now, bringing back to the surface feelings of despair, regret, affection, and more importantly, _hope_.

Back then, Eren was his precious and only hope, giving him the strength to move forward when everything seemed to have turned into chaos. Their initial goal of killing all the titans changed dramatically the moment they discovered Eren's father's books in his basement, revealing the existence of humans outside of the walls, an entire civilization that wanted nothing more than to annihilate every last one of them. In this mess, however, there had always been one constant, and it was Eren.

Levi never thought he would be able to see the man in this life. He understood from a very young age what his dreams were about, what they meant, but it was only when he came across two of his past friends that he realized there was a possibility to see the young man once again. As he talked with Hanji and Erwin, realizing they both remember the same cruel world, he understood he had a chance.

He can maybe one day run into Eren and find his hope again.

The raven's body starts moving forward before he can process what is happening. He rushes after the silhouette he just saw, calling his name in the hope of drawing Eren's attention and make it easier to catch up with him. The brunet, however, doesn't stop and keeps on walking, not even looking back as Levi desperately runs after him in the crowd.

"Eren!" Levi yells for at least the tenth time as he is finally able to put one hand on the man's shoulder to stop him.

The raven is caught off guard as Eren smacks his hand away, looking at him with a murderous glint in his eyes, his eyebrows furrowed in anger and his lips tightly pressed together. It takes a moment for Levi to recover from the shock, holding his hand in front of his chest, feeling his skin sting from the blow.

"Ere–"

"Who the fuck are you?" Eren harshly cuts him off, his voice a low growl.

Levi feels his body freeze as he realizes what Eren's words imply. He tries to regulate his breathing, a little breathless after his running, feeling his legs shiver after the effort he put them through. He isn't as in shape as he used to be and his muscles scream in pain as a reminder of that.

"You- You don't… remember?" Levi manages to ask, his face a perfect reflection of both his confusion and distress.

Eren squints his eyes, rendering them into two small slits as he looks over the man in front of him. Levi shivers under his scrutiny, not used to being the object of such hatred, especially coming from the tall man. He can still remember the fire he saw in those green eyes the first time he saw Eren in a dungeon, it had intrigued him, but what he can see in Eren's eyes now is… different. It's not even a fire, nothing like the determination he had witnessed; it's only pure hatred and contempt.

Levi gulps, feeling even smaller than he already is, when a high-pitched voice draws his attention away from the intense glare directed at him.

"Hey, Drew, who's that?"

Levi's eyes widen as he realizes they weren't alone from the beginning, and he wonders how he didn't see the woman standing next to Eren when she is practically glued to his side. Her face is covered in makeup – too much from Levi's perspective, her eyelashes at least double the length of natural ones and her lips a glossy velvet red. She is wearing a mini-skirt revealing thin legs and a blouse that hardly covers her chest, which is tightly pressed against Eren's arms. She gives Levi the stink-eye before batting her eyelashes at the brunet.

"Why did he call you by a different name?" she practically purrs as an attempt to catch his attention.

Eren hardly spares her a glance, his eyes still drilling holes in the raven's head, the latter trying his best not to look away in front of such a blatant display of superiority. After a few minutes and more coaxing from the girl, who is obviously growing annoyed at the exchange, Eren turns his back to Levi, putting his hands in his pockets as he slowly walks away with the woman.

"He confused me with someone else. I don't know him."

Levi can only watch as Eren is moving further and further away from him, his mind still trying to process what happened. He instantly freezes on the spot when Eren gives him one last glance, his eyes cold and menacing, shattering all hope Levi might have had before this instant in a matter of seconds.

Ever since he found Hanji and Erwin, Levi was hopeful of seeing Eren again. He didn't actively look for him, but he has always wondered if he will be able to find the brunet too and have him back in his life. And if that day shall happen, he imagined Eren to be the same as in his memories; Hanji and Erwin are the same, so why not him as well? Of course, there are still differences since their lives and upbringings are different, the same goes for Levi as well, but overall, they remain very similar to how he remembers them. Their essences are the same, Levi's essence is the same, but Eren's…

This isn't Eren. Or more precisely, it isn't _his_ Eren. It isn't the man he remembers, full of determination and filled with compassion for the people around him. It is a completely different man, cold and indifferent, with nothing but disdain in his eyes. Somehow, for reasons he can't comprehend, Eren's essence is different.

The man he just met had been someone else wearing Eren's face.

Levi tries not to think about his encounter with Eren, but it ends up being nearly impossible. It keeps bothering him and he can't erase Eren's cold eyes and angry expression from his mind. He doesn't talk about it with either Hanji or Erwin, preferring to keep it to himself, but his friends notice that something is wrong with him. Still, he keeps quiet, his meeting with Eren a secret he doesn't feel like sharing.

One Friday night finds Levi wandering outside of his apartment, trying to change his mind with a bit of fresh air. It is a little cold for an evening in the middle of April, but his coat and scarf keep him warm enough to tolerate it. A few other people are walking outside like him, probably on their way to meet friends somewhere in the city or simply going home after a long day of work. Levi pays them no mind until he spots a familiar silhouette in the crowd. It is almost like his eyes are attracted to the man, being able to find him in the middle of many unfamiliar faces.

Eren is walking down the street in his direction, this time alone, his hands in the pockets of his black hoodie. His hair is tied in a messy bun this time, but Levi tries to not let his eyes wander on his form too much. He turns around, not really in the mood for another surprise encounter, when he hears a deep voice resonating behind him.

"Hey! Wait!"

Levi keeps walking, trying to get away as far as possible from the man. He doesn't want to think about the people Eren is probably on his way to spend the night with. He doesn't want to hear his voice which seems to make his stomach fluster and his chest constrict. He isn't as lucky, however. A hand carefully turns him around and he is met with an out of breath, smiling brunet, relief evident in his eyes as Levi stops and looks back at him.

"You're the guy from last time!" Eren blurts, still trying to catch his breath.

"Uh… Yeah."

"Seems like our roles are reversed this time, huh?" Eren quietly laughs.

Levi looks to the side, a little confused as to why Eren decided to run after him. He doesn't seem as cold and wary as last time, his lips actually turned up in a smile, but Levi is still uncomfortable. _This isn't the Eren you remember_, he chants in his head, trying to ward off the hope he can feel bubbling inside of him.

"Sorry, you're probably wondering why I stopped you," Eren clears his throat while rubbing his neck in a nervous habit. "I just wanted to apologize for last time. I was in a pretty bad mood and I took it out on you. So, uh, yeah… Sorry about that."

Levi's eyes widen at the sudden apology, his throat becoming tight and his mind a little fuzzy from the surprise. Eren seems embarrassed, looking at him before averting his eyes to the side, shifting his weight from one foot to the other as he waits for Levi to answer. It takes the raven a moment to get himself back together and reply to the brunet.

"It's fine. I- Sorry I bothered you that day."

"Oh, it's okay! Everyone makes mistakes!" Eren laughs once again, seeming to relax. "Actually, I wanted to do more than apologize. Like maybe buy you a drink if you'd like? I know a pretty good place just around the corner."

Eren puts his hands back in his pockets, his attitude more confident but a shy smile on his face nonetheless. Levi is taken aback by the offer and tries to outweigh the pros and cons of his request. Is it really okay to hang out with someone who looks exactly like the man he used to have feelings for? Does he want to get to know this new version of Eren? Maybe it would be safer for him to refuse and just move on, but… there is a little voice inside of him that keeps saying: _Why not?_

"Just one drink! And if you want to leave after, no hard feelings, I'll get it!" Eren tries again, sensing Levi's hesitation.

"Fine," Levi sighs, resigning himself, "one drink."

Eren's smile widens and he starts walking while making sure Levi is right behind him. The raven silently follows him, still mulling over his decision. He can't shake off his curiosity. He knows Eren doesn't remember, knows he is very much different, but that is why he wants to know more about this new him. Levi can't keep on living his life knowing Eren is out there and not trying to make him a part of his life. He tried to do just that the last few days and it didn't work.

"I'm Andrew, by the way," Eren says as he opens the door to a bar, the sound of slow, jazzy music reaching their ears, "but most people call me Drew."

Levi can't get around the idea of calling Eren by a different name, but he stores the information in his head in case he really needs to use it.

"I'm Levi."

Eren directly goes to the counter to order drinks as Levi finds a table in a corner and gets himself comfortable. Soon, two glasses of beer arrive on their table and they start chatting, like two strangers getting to know each other, because that is technically what they are. Levi learns a little about Eren's life, what he does for a living, his age, his hobbies, and Levi tells him about himself too. They finish their drinks pretty quickly and soon a second one follows, the raven having already decided to stay a little longer in the man's company.

Eren is quite chatty, always bringing another subject on the table when they seem to run out of things to say on the one they were talking about, and Levi appreciates it. Talking with Eren seems easy, though there is something nagging at Levi. It's probably the way Eren's smile never reaches his eyes no matter how bright his face looks as he talks and laughs. Levi tries not to dwell on it too much, especially when he can feel himself getting a little light-headed.

How many drinks did he have?

He didn't keep track, but it must have been too many because the next thing he knows, he is waking up in a bed which isn't his in a room he doesn't recognize. His head is pounding and he feels dizzy as he sits up, his memories hazy. He starts to panic, not knowing where he is nor how he ended up here. Where did Eren go? Is it his place?

Levi carefully stands, one hand holding his head as he feels it throbbing even more, and the other used to balance himself against the wall as his legs are heavy and wobbly. He eventually manages to exit the room he is in, and he carefully walks down a corridor until he reaches a large room which seems to be both a living room and an open kitchen. There, he spots a tall brown-haired man and he feels his body sags with relief as he recognizes Eren.

"Oh! You're up?" Eren says as he joins him, his face reflecting worry. "How are you feeling? You scared me back there!"

"I feel like a fucking train hit me," Levi groans as he closes his eyes, his headache intensifying with the light. "What happened?"

"You completely passed out on me! I had no idea what to do, so I took you back to my place," Eren explains to him. He then chuckles a little before adding, "You're heavier than you look, by the way."

"Sorry, I don't remember drinking that much."

Levi tries to take another step closer to the brunet but his body doesn't seem to agree and he trips on his feet. Thankfully, Eren is there to catch him, and relief washes over him as he feels two strong hands holding his shoulders.

"Wow, easy there!" Eren makes sure Levi is stable before releasing him, his hands still open in front of him in case he needs to catch him a second time. "You want something to drink? Water? Coffee? Tea?"

"Tea, please," Levi immediately answers. He passes a hand over his face and frowns as he feels his oily skin. "Ugh, I feel gross."

Eren laughs at his remark as he starts making tea, "You're welcome to use my shower, if you need to. It's the door opposite my bedroom. And you can take whatever clothes you find inside my closet."

Levi thanks him before going back from where he came. His legs are still a little unsteady, but he has a better balance now that he is getting used to it. Eren's closet is built inside the bedroom's wall, two big doors hiding its content from prying eyes; Levi rolls one to the side and peeks inside, trying to determine which clothes he can take. A fleeting thought that none of Eren's clothes are going to fit him passes through his mind, but he disregards it as he can smell alcohol and tobacco on his own.

His eyes fall on a shelf where he can spot pajamas, and he reaches a hand to take a pair. As he does so, however, all the shelves start to shake and something falls on the top of his head. It didn't hurt, thankfully, and Levi realizes why as he sees sheets of paper spread across the floor.

"Shit," he hisses as he bends down to recover every page.

His eyes immediately catch drawings on the papers in his hands, and his brain freezes as he recognizes what the sketches are about. _Titans_. He can also identify the symbol of the Survey Corps, the Wings of Freedom, as well as a few faces he remembers from his old memories.

"Ahh, you weren't supposed to see that," Eren sighs behind him.

Levi instantly turns around to face the man, letting all the pages drop on the floor once again. The raven can feel his throat becoming dry as he sees Eren leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed in front of his chest, a small smile on his lips and a mysterious glint in his eyes. Suddenly, the man in front of him looks very different from the one he drank with a few hours ago, and a shiver runs down his spine as Levi realizes what it all means.

"You… You actually remember," Levi exhales, not even phrasing it as a question. Eren's smile widens and the raven can finally identify the glint in his eyes: excitement, _madness_.

"I was hoping to have my fun a little longer but," Eren shrugs, coming closer to Levi who cannot help but back away at the movement, "I guess you found me out."

Levi suddenly feels anger building up inside him and he growls back, "Why the fuck didn't you say anything, _Eren_?" he insists on his name on purpose.

The brunet only laughs in front of his anger, and the sound of it makes Levi's blood run cold.

"What is it, Levi? Were you sad I didn't remember?" He comes even closer to the raven, backing him up against the wall. "Did you think I would run into your arms?"

Levi can't help but flush at Eren's words, both in embarrassment and shame, which earns him another chuckle from the man.

"You're so pathetic, Levi," Eren spits out, his eyes turning as cold as ice, looking more like the man he saw a few days ago. "You've been pathetic ever since Erwin died. Only talking about getting revenge and keeping your promise. The moment we eradicated all Titans from Paradis you became useless too. You almost ruined my plans when you went after Zeke." Eren suddenly starts laughing, freezing Levi on the spot, his eyes unable to leave the maniacal grin on the brunet's face. "Lucky for me, he did my dirty work. I was starting to wonder what I was going to do with you."

Levi tries to push Eren away to get the hell out of this apartment, his survival instinct kicking in and telling him to run, but he can't even make the man budge, still feeling dizzy and weak. It only makes the taller man laugh harder, who then proceeds to cage Levi between his body and the wall, both of his hands on either side of the raven's head.

"My only regret is that I didn't get to see you all bloody and mutilated," Eren whispers, his forehead against Levi's as he runs a finger down the raven's cheek.

_This isn't Eren_, Levi thinks over and over in his head. _This can't be Eren. _

Levi has always known Eren was a monster, not because of his titan power, but because of his will and strength, of his determination. Levi saw it that day in the dungeon, the way Eren's eyes shone with passion and anger, his soul bare for anyone to see; the soul of a monster. But the person in front of him isn't the same. He is a monster, but he has no soul. Levi cannot see anything inside his eyes beside emptiness and cruelty. A cruelty _his_ Eren didn't possess.

Levi comes back to his senses as he feels Eren bite at his earlobe, making him hiss under the pain. He can feel his determination to leave fading as the buzz in his head intensifies from too much thinking.

Levi is trapped. He can't escape, he has no way out. He is only a pray in front of his predator. Eren can do whatever he wants to him now, but it doesn't matter. Levi has lost his last hope.

"So, what are you going to do, _Captain_?" Eren murmurs as his mouth goes lower, nipping at Levi's skin.

Eren then sinks his teeth at the junction of his neck and shoulder, drawing blood, but Levi can't seem to care anymore. The pain he feels from the bite isn't painful enough to make him forget about his bleeding heart.


End file.
